Top Ten Clues You're Clueless by Liz Czukas

Top Ten Clues You're Clueless

Publisher: Harper Teen
Page Count: 304
Fiction Genre: Realistic, Romance, Mystery, YA, Chick Lit
Dates Read: November 7-8, 2015

Reading Challenge: Mega Reading Challenge
Topic: #98: A book you can talk about at a bachelorette party
Series: N/A

Summary
It was the night before Christmas, and all through the store, not a creature was stirring, except for the six teens who were held after closing.  

 Chloe makes lists about everything in her life.  It helps her feel less alone.  She is a high school student who works at Good Foods (aka: Whole foods), and has a crush on her charming coworker, Tyson.  Chloe, along with her five other teenage coworkers are held after work when it is discovered that the charity money has been stolen, and the store managers believe these kids had something to do with it.

Review
I'm sure you've seen The Breakfast Club, or at least one episode of Scooby-Doo.  If you have not seen TBC, drop whatever you are doing RIGHT THIS INSTANT AND GO WATCH THAT MOVIE!  Top Ten Clues You're Clueless can most easily be related to these two things, but now Velma has diabetes.  It seemed like Czukas was trying to write a modern day novel about The Breakfast Club, but it's now a mystery (hence the Scooby-Doo reference) and they're locked in a Whole Foods on a very flimsy premise.  I mean, Helen Keller could have seen through this plot.  
*I make no apologies for that joke*

For easier reference of you cultured people who has seen TBC:
Chloe = Claire
Tyson = Andrew
Sammi = Allison
Gabe = John Bender
Micah = Brian
Zania = A new character to the mix (The Breakfast Club, now with diversity) 

This book was filled with so much needless frustration.  First, the lists.  Those fucking lists!  They were absolutely pointless to the plot development.  I seriously believe that Czukas added these just so that she could have a higher page count.  During the first chapter or two they were kind of cute, but talk about beating a dead horse; they lost their cuteness very quickly.  

Next there was the diabetes.  I applaud Czukas for developing a main character with this affliction, but I think she might have used a nurses handbook from the 1970's to gather her medical information about Chole's illness.  Seriously, she referred to this character as a "brittle diabetic", a term I don't think has been used since the mid-1980s.  Any teenager who has T1D, will know how important it is to check your levels, yet Chloe waits 12 hours to check hers, because she's embarrassed by it.  What made this frustrating was how much time Chloe spent worrying about her levels, but never once did she think that maybe she should check her levels.  SO MANY MIXED MESSAGES!  Way to keep a shitty negative stereotype alive, Czukas.  I really hope if any young women out there that read this and have T1D, feel they should be ashamed by their illness because of this book.  Shame on you, Liz Czukas.  Shame on you.

Lastly, there was the plot.  WTF did I just read?  To break this down for you, and this could be considered a spoiler alert, but I don't think this is spoiling anything.  This market has a charity box that employees and customers can donate money to, for a local charity during the holidays.  During a grand reveal publicity stunt, where the regional manager comes to open the box, it is discovered that all the money that has been raised over the past, almost two months, is gone.  Less than $100.00 remain.  After a brief meeting between a store manager and the regional manager it is decided that one of these teenagers must have stolen it.  That's a pretty large jump to make to that conclusion based on absolutely ZERO evidence, leads, or information.  It just seemed like a "we need to point out finger at someone, so teenagers are a great scapegoat".  This all leads to two grown adults practically holding 6 teenagers hostage until the police can get there hours later.  My brain exploded from the lack of logic and proper plot development by Czukas.

So yeah, you can say I hate this book, but you would be wrong.  I LOATHE THIS BOOK!  Do not read.  Just pass on by this one for your own sanity.  The only thing good about this book is how quick it was to get through. 

Read this book at your own risk.  Have you read this book?  Leave a comment below with your thoughts about it.

Ratings (based on a 10 point scale)
Quality of Writing - 6
Pace - 7
Plot Development - 3
Characters - 2
Enjoyability - 1
Insightfulness - 2
Ease of Reading - 5
Photos/Illustrations - N/A
Overall Rating - 1 out of 5 stars

---